Zitek Biosystems Facility, Los Corrados, Ca.

In a big, white, shiny, expensive-looking lab, a hot doc with red hair wearing a lab coat passes through two eye scan security systems and goes into a sealed room with special gloves on. She takes a case out of a nitrogen tank and opens it up. It’s labeled biohazard. She opens the case but is startled to find five vials of something instead of six.

She finds it on the floor and goes ashen. This is bad news. She warns her colleagues not to come in.

Back at CBI, Jane tires to cheer up Lisbon, who’s been sad “ever since…” (we assume he means since Bosco was killed), but she fends off his attempts. He’s interrupted by an urgent phone call, from the doc in the biohazard, Alicia Seberg. She’s calling him because a brief search of the Internet tells her he’s the best detective in her area. “Please come see me,” she tells him, “I’ve been murdered.”

A CHP helicopter flies Jane and Lisbon to the lab where they meet Dean Harken, from the California Disease Control Authority. He barks at them that he’s in charge and that they have a code red emergency that could potentially kill thousands of people. He thinks the situation was caused by Dr. Seberg. He tells them there’s no “criminality” so they’re not needed, but he’ll let them stay.

Dr. Cliff Edmunds (George Newbern) welcomes them in and tells them they pretty much deal in death - biowarefare, black plague, all the greatest hits, making ways to counterattack them.

They visit Seberg in her glassed-in soon-to-be-tomb. She coolly tells them through the wall how she’ll soon die of a heart attack from all of her red blood cells being killed off by the super virus.

She thinks it was deliberate, everybody knows she has the first shift.

Jane guesses that Seberg and Edmunds are married (no great deduction there, she called him “darling” and they have wedding bands on — they can’t all be piercing insights).

Seberg explains that whoever opened the vial could have inoculated themself before opening it - but that won’t work for her now.

Only four other people are allowed in the lab and they have high security - so Jane announces that one of them is the killer. Or will be.

Lisbon gets the team doing background checks. “One of them released a lethal super virus that could kill half the state of California so I guess we’re looking for someone with a prior background as an evil super villain.”

Jane and Lisbon visit the other three doctors, Griffin, Lillith and Florian: Jane runs a one-man interrogation and catches one of them implying Seberg was having an affair with Dr. Kaseem, and her husband Edmunds knew about it.

Jane and Lisbon go back to the glass house and ask Seberg in front of her husband and her lover why she didn’t tell them she was having an affair. She doesn’t flinch and says because it’s not relevant. All three say the couple had an open marriage and it was OK.

Seberg gets a call from her daughter on her computer and web chats her final good-byes. She tells her teenage daughter not to waste time being sad after she’s gone, and to be happy.

She gets up and says good-bye to her husband then falls to the ground. Jane listens to the whole thing from around the corner.

Harken comes to conduct the decontamination and Lisbon tells him she’s declaring it a murder. He says he’ll do the interviewing per guidelines.

Harken interviews one of the other doctors, Florian, and checks off terrorist-related questions on a sheet. Jane thinks the proceedings are ridiculous. He interrupts the interview and tells Harken they’re wasting their time. He boasts that he can solve the case after 10 minutes with each suspect. Lisbon hustles him out and he tells her he’s working the case.

Northern California Technical Institute Cho and Rigsby visit the school where Seberg and her husband used to teach with Florian and Lillith, but left abruptly.

A professor they meet with tells them Edmunds had a lot of affairs. He gives them a name: Greta Skye.

Back at the lab, Jane waits for the decontamination to finish and pokes around the biohazards. He offers the guy conducting it a candy bar and then goes to talk her daughter Isabelle via web chat. She wants to be near her mother. Jane talks to her about chocolate and grief and encourages her to go tell a friend what’s happened.

Jane walks over to the sealed room and sticks his face in the eye scanner, joking “open sesame.” The doors slide open.

Oops. (Apparently the virus has been neutralized by now.)

Jane realizes they have to expand their suspect pool. He shows Harken the doors. They talk to Scott Price (the head of security). They all agree he’s acting fishy, but when Harken and Lisbon start bickering over who gets to arrest him, he runs.

After a car chase that ends with a parking lot crash, they take him back to HQ. Harken threatens him until Price confesses there were glitches with the software and it essentially didn’t work at all for the past two months.

Outside, Jane tries to talk Harken out of Price as a suspect. They’re about to pull out tape measures when Jane insinuates that Harken could have done it.

Then it’s off to open the container with the super virus - since irradiated from the air. Five flasks remain. They’re put back into deep freeze.

On campus, Cho and Rigsby talk to Greta, Edmunds’ former lover. She says he’s not jealous and she was really cool. Still, once someone left a note under her door calling her a “whore.”

Alicia wasn’t in the country then and describes a squirrely lab assistant, Lillith.

Van Pelt calls Lisbon about Lillith, who had a restraining order against her in Canada and spent four months in a mental institute. Jane wants Rigsby and Cho at the lab. He doesn’t like Lillith as a suspect, but goes through the motions of objecting to Lisbon telling Harken. Then when she does, he pulls Lillith aside for a chat in a darkened office.

He asks her where the backway out of the lab is. She admits to changing her name and spending time in the mental institution and having a possessive crush on Edmunds, but says she didn’t kill Alicia. He tells her they’ll find a way to blame her. She runs.

Jane tells Harken and Lisbon not to worry about her, she’s not guilty.

Some one comes to tell Harken they have a code red - they find a vial of the super virus opened next to a note that says “I’m sorry.” They’re all dead.

Harken doesn’t understand how the flask got out of the safe. They check the case. Jane’s palming something as Lisbon, Edmunds and Harken open the case. He throws something across the room with a crash and when everyone turns to look he swipes one of the vials from the case.

Lisbon begs him to tell her this is a trick, but he asks her why he’d do such a thing.

Edmunds tells everyone it’s not a drill. Harken tells everyone that no one can leave and the Air Force will bomb it later. He tells everyone to make their phone calls.

Lisbon calls Cho and tells them it’s been an honor working with them. She asks him to call her brother and tell him her last dying wish is for him to make peace with her brothers. She finishes then asks Jane if he wants to call anyone.

He tells her if he were dying, he’d want to call her. She realizes he said “if.”

He calls Cho and tells him to disregard Lisbon’s message and to wait for people coming out the back way. He explains that he pulled the trick because whoever dosed Alicia would have taken the antidote and had to make a run for it to avoid the bombs later.

And he asks her if it feels good to be alive. She’s mainly just angry. But he promises Harken will soon be coming around the corner because someone has run off. They wait. Nothing happens.

Lisbon punches Jane in the nose.

Then Harken runs around the corner.

With Lilith already in the SUV, Cho and Rgisby pick up Griffin coming out the back way.

To placate Harken, Jane gives him the real virus back and runs.

Back at HQ, Griffin admits he was siphoning small amounts of the virus and selling it for $300,000 a gram, which worked fine until Harken came by to do his spot check and he had to spill a vial to cover up for the missing amounts. He didn’t care that Alicia would be exposed.

Jane finds Lisbon still treating him coolly, but she’s faking. She’s feeling much better, mostly from punching him in the nose.

To speed along the investigation into her house fire, Betty is pressured to date an annoying fireman. Wilhemina tries to prove to Don, an old flame from her past, that she’s just “Wanda from the block” instead of an uber-bitch, and Amanda draws closer to Tyler, convincing Claire to hire him as an in-house model at Mode. Meanwhile, Hilda meets Bobby’s parents for the first time. Written by ABC Publicity

It’s Fashion Week at Mode and Marc is feeling the stress of having to prove himself as an editor as well as having to deal with his new flatmate, Helen, who is in ‘love’ with him. At the editors’ meeting Wilhemina conveys her disappointment in all the editors, especially Marc, for not working as hard as Betty, who she ‘rewards’ with a report on an 800-page book about the history of sewing machines.

At first happy with her assignment, Betty is then told by Daniel that all editors get to cover a show, sometimes up to 3 shows at once. Realising that Wilhemina was trying to get Betty out of the editors’ meeting on purpose, Daniel later argues with Wilhemina on Betty’s behalf. Wilhemina points out that Daniel has banned male models and one out of the ten designers to watch has quit, and that she is now scrambling to get Fashion Week on its feet so she does not have time to put up with Betty. Daniel continues to deem it unfair and tries to set something up for Betty.

Meanwhile at their apartment, Helen continues to drool over Marc despite Amanda telling her Marc’s gay (which Helen takes as a joke). Finding the green mini dress she was going to wear to a party completely stretched out by Helen, Amanda worries that she will have nothing to wear. Helen tells her it’s not a problem and that she’ll make a her new dress, where she then rips a curtain off the apartment and begins working on her sewing machine. Amanda tries out the red and black dress made by Helen and proclaims it to be amazing and realises that Helen has a real talent for dressmaking. Amanda proposes that she and Helen become a fashion design team, which Helen promptly accepts.

Betty and Hilda are putting up a discarded chandelier that Ignacio brought back from his restaurant when Justin tells Betty that she has a voice message from Daniel. With her hands full, Betty asks Justin to play the message out loud. In the message, Daniel says that there was a misunderstanding with Wilhemina and that Betty is indeed covering a show for Fashion week. However Daniel fails to turn off his new hands-free phone properly and a further conversation with Wilhemina is recorded, where Wilhemina insults Betty’s lack of fashion sense (the reason why she didn’t want Betty covering a show in the first place). Upon hearing this, Betty becomes extremely dismayed.

The next day, Daniel goes to Betty’s office and apologises for what was said in the message he left, bringing her a pot plant as a peace offering. Betty confides in him that she feels awful because no one trusts her taste, but Daniel tells her to prove everyone wrong. He gives her that chance by assigning her to a low-priority show (the only one that was available).

As Daniel walks by, Wilhemina pretends to be on the phone with a fashion designer who wants to use male models. Acting as if she doesn’t know Daniel is standing right behind her, Wilhemina rejects the request of the ‘designer’ to use Daniel as one of her models. Flattered by this request, Daniel interrupts and falls for Wilhemina’s ploy by reconsidering his ban on male models for Fashion Week.

While admiring the new dress made by Helen, Amanda notices that Helen has disappeared. Turning around, she sees Helen flirting with a guy and goes over there to snap Helen out of it so they can focus on getting their fashion line established. The guy turns out to be Tyler, who has traveled from South Dakota in search of Claire Mead, but Amanda does not make the connection and drags Helen away.

Betty, Hilda and Justin sit through a ‘fashion show’ in a restaurant-turned-catwalk, where each outfit displayed is worse than the last. Then a grey dress catches everyones eyes and they all agree it’s pretty awesome. Betty goes ‘backstage’ and finds the designer, Marisa, telling her that she will do her best to get Marisa into Mode’s top 10 designers to watch. Back at the Mode, Betty tries to persuade Marc to partner up with her and lobby for Marisa in Wilhemina’s office, sharing the credit if Wilhemina approves. Marc declines, hinting that he doesn’t trust Betty’s judgement on fashion, but when he sees Marisa’s portfolio, he agrees that the designs are pretty good and agrees to persuade Wilhemina.

Having gotten in his head that he would make a great model, Daniel decides to strut his stuff in one of the hallways. However he is seen by a passer-by who mistakenly asks him if he’s hurt. Embarrased, Daniel admits that he was practising his walk for the Mode show. The girl, Heather, tells him not to worry, and that she used to have a terrible walk too. She invites Daniel to her fitting, which he accepts, and checks her out while she leads the way.

Marc is giving Betty a lesson on how to pitch something to Wilhemina, using a carboard cut out of Wilhemina as a guide. Amanda bursts into the room and asks Marc that since he’s pitching an unknown designer, if he could pitch her designs while he’s at it. Marc pushes the decision onto Betty, and makes vomiting gestures behind Amanda’s back to emphasise his dislike for her designs. Betty tries to say no but Amanda forces her designs onto Betty anyway and leaves the room skipping with excitement.

The model coordinator is telling Wilhemina about the shortage of male models since all the good ones have all been booked when they spot Tyler. Thinking he is a model, Wilhemina tells him that all the models are supposed to be in their fitting. Tyler says he’s not a model and that he’s looking for Claire Mead, but Wilhemina notices his potential and gets him to spin for her and declares that he’s a model now.

Ignacio keeps fiddling with the new chandelier, adding a mood lighting effect onto it. However it goes on the fritz and shocks his finger when he goes to turn it off. Hilda walks by disapprovingly but Bobby tells her not to bug Ignacio about it. Hilda says that if Ignacio wants to fix something, he should start in her salon, which is falling apart and costing her so much to fix that she’s barely breaking even. Bobby asks her if money is a problem, and Hilda jokingly says that she wishes lightning would strike the salon and she could just collect the insurance money. Bobby gives her a funny look, but shakes it off and kisses Hilda on the cheek before he leaves.

Tyler is shown to his fitting, where he finds Daniel and Heather already dressed in their outfits. Daniel introduces himself to Tyler and Tyler makes the connection that Daniel is Claire’s son. At that moment, the model coordinator comes in to tell Daniel that the final suit may be a bit tight on him and that they should put it on someone thinner, like Tyler. Daniel objects and says that the designer specifically requested him. The model coordinator meekly smiles and agrees with him.

Marc and Betty present Marisa’s designs to Wilhemina, who looks bored and disinterested. But she agrees nonetheless to enter Marisa into the show as she hasn’t seen any better designs so far. She praises Marc for finding the new designer, and when Betty tries to point out that credit belongs to her, Wilhemina brushes her off and says “thank you for turning the pages Betty”. Betty looks at Marc for help but he says nothing and follows Wilhemina out the door.

Betty catches up with Marc and accuses him of stealing her credit, but Amanda interrupts and asks them what Wilhemina thought of her designs. Marc dumps the task on Betty again and runs off. Betty struggles to tell Amanda the truth, and eventually admits that she didn’t even show the designs to Wilhemina because she felt Amanda’s designs weren’t quite ready to be showcased. Hearing this, Amanda becomes angry and says she didn’t know why she asked Betty for help in the first place since Betty knows nothing about fashion, then storms off, leaving Betty to feel dismayed yet again.

Suzuki interviews Marisa on Fashion TV and before Marisa can thank Betty for finding her, Marc jumps into the shot and takes credit. Betty watches this on the TV in Daniel’s office and tells Daniel that she didn’t even know there was going to be an interview. Daniel is jogging on the spot to try and lose a few pounds before the show that night (being pushed by his jealousy towards Tyler), then later switches to crunches, and tells Betty that if he was her, he’d give Marc a piece of his mind. At that moment, Betty sees Marc walking by and goes out to confront him. Marc defends the interview by saying he was helping Betty since she looks awful on TV. Betty brushes that aside and tells him that the whole point of this was to prove to Wilhemina that she had taste, but even worse was the fact that he hung her out to dry with Amanda. Betty reminds him that they both knew Amanda’s designs were not ready, but instead made her look like the bad guy. She tells him that if he wants the credit, he’ll have to do the work, and walks off.

Wilhemina gives Daniel lessons on how to walk properly on the catwalk, but he doesn’t appear to be improving. Frustrated, she tells him to walk naturally, and points at Tyler (who happens to be walking past really smoothly in slow motion at the time) as an example. This makes Daniel even more jealous.

Betty unloads all her problems to her family at home. Ignacio turns on the chandelier to make Betty feel better (obviously doesn’t work), telling everyone how he hired an electrician to make it shine brighter. Hilda is styling Justin’s hair so he can look good in his professional acting class and fit in. Hilda says that she’s happy for him to fit in as long as he doesn’t knows his limits and doesn’t do stupid things like piercing his nose or smoking. Ignacio comforts Betty, who says that she just wanted a chance to prove herself to everyone, but guess she won’t have that chance. Just then Betty’s phone rings, and a stressed out Marisa asks Betty if she could come over since Betty was the one who found her in the first place. Betty, surprised, says yes.

Amanda is glumly telling Helen how disappointing it is that their designs won’t be shown at fashion week. Helen tells her not to give up. Marc walks in and asks if Amanda needs any help in packing up their sewing equipment. Amanda smiles and says that Marc is a real friend, unlike Betty. Feeling guilty, Marc tells her not to blame it all on Betty. He admits that the designs weren’t ready, and that he didn’t want to tell her because he didn’t want to upset her.

Back in Queens, Betty is telling Marisa that the final garments are ready in the salon. They find Amanda sitting in the living room (Ignacio let her in), who apologises for yelling at Betty earlier. Amanda admits that she feels it unfair that Betty and Marc and moving up in the world while she’s still stuck at the bottom, and that she just wanted to do something with her life. At that moment, Marisa asks if they smells smoke and Bobby runs up behind them yelling for them to get out because the house is on fire.

Outside, Betty is relieved that everyone’s safe, and says that if it wasn’t for Bobby, they wouldn’t have gotten out in time. Ignacio says that it was only the salon that burnt down, the rest of the house just had smoke damage. This upsets Hilda. Marc calls and asks Betty where Marisa’s dresses are, and Betty realises the dresses were sitting in the salon and must be completely ruined by now. Indeed they are, with all the dresses burnt at one part or another. Betty apologises profusely, but Marisa says it’s ok, knowing that fashion week may have been too good to be true. Amanda points out that the dresses still look pretty good, and hacks off the hem on one of them and tries it on to prove her point. Betty sees this and phones Marc to say that the dresses will be at the show soon.

At the show, Betty and Amanda are putting the final touches on the dresses, with Amanda holding a blowtorch (deliberately scorching the dresses to match). Wilhemina takes a look and asks what the hell is going on. Marc denies his involvement and says it was Betty’s idea and that she was the one who found Marisa in the first place so she should be the only one to be punished. Wilhemina stares at the dresses for a while and admits that they actually look better with the fire damage, then walks off. Marisa’s dresses are up next and everyone watches as the models go down the runway.

After the final model has strutted her stuff, Betty tells Amanda that it was amazing how she pieced all the accessories together in such a short time, saying that she might have a future as a stylist. Hearing this, Amanda becomes encouraged and walks off to proclaim her newfound career.

Tyler approaches Claire backstage thanks her for the generous tip she left him back in South Dakota. But that money got him thinking, and when he mentioned her name to his adoptive parents, they became very quiet. So he figured Claire might be his mother. He asks her if she is and Claire says yes and they both smile. However, Claire asks Tyler if he could just keep it a secret till she tells all the people in her life about him. Tyler agrees and goes off when Daniel comes over. Daniel asks Claire what Tyler wanted, and Claire says Tyler was just lost and asking for directions. Daniel says good, because he doesn’t want to see Tyler ever again (still jealous).

When the show ends, Wilhemina finally praises Betty, saying that she shouldn’t have hidden behind Marc. When Betty points out that Wilhemina is a hard woman to please, Wilhemina tells her that Faye Summers was even harder to please, but Wilhemina stuck by what she believed, and that’s how she got to where she is today. Betty understands and says that fashion is what people perceive it to be, but Wilhemina says no, fashion is what Wilhemina says it to be.

At the Suarez house, Bobby consoles Hilda and tells her that she got what she wanted: she can now collect the insurance money. This makes Hilda suspicious about Bobby’s involvement in the disaster. But at that moment, Justin takes out the trash and throws in a pack of cigarettes and a lighter before closing the bag.

Wilhemina is furious when she discovers she has a drag queen impersonator - Wilhediva Hater. Meanwhile Betty receives an award for her blog, which causes tension between her and Daniel. When she vents online, her fans in blogosphere escalate the feud, and the press hounds Daniel. Amanda rehires Helen, but Willie orders Amanda to fire her — which Amanda just can’t bring herself to do. And Marc runs his own photo shoot with a famous director and actress. Writt

Westing Resort, Napa Valley

A cooking competition takes place at a fancy resort. A snooty host introduces the chefs as another, Jeffrey Barge, labors in the kitchen. He comes out with his dish, overheated and woozy. He tries to introduce his food, but can’t see straight. He collapses on the floor.

Enter the CBI. They’re not sure it’s a murder yet but one of the chef’s dad is a senator who pulled some strings.

Cho finds Lisbon and reports that Barge had a fist fight with the event organizer a few days ago. It was about missing truffles.

Jane wanders over to the dead chef’s prepared food and tries it, but pronounces it way too salty. He gets the coroner to open the dead man’s mouth, where his taste buds are all brown.

Rigsby is shoveling in the free appetizers when Jane announces what killed Barge: poison.

Later, they learn that poison was ricin, which is easy to make with castor beans.

Lisbon pulls Jane away from his pot de creme to talk to the victim’s wife.

Cho talks to the other chefs in the kitchen. They quickly point fingers at each other, claiming one named Ludo stole the truffles. Cho finds them among his food, but he says he was only rescuing them from Barge’s bag cooking.

Barge’s wife Abigail tells Lisbon and Jane that they’re separated. They’re interrupted by the victim’s brother Kevin, who says his wife hated him.

He tells them Barge was sober for two weeks. She says her husband called her last night at 12:30 a.m. but she hung up.

In the victim’s room, Rigsby tests everything he can find for ricin. The room is destroyed, but Jane thinks Barnes did it himself as part of a relapse.

They find his booze in the toilet tank and it tests positive for ricin.

Jane shows the chefs the poisoned gin and makes a show of arresting Ludo the truffle thief. He sees relief on another chef’s face and they bring them both in.

Cho interrogates Hannah, producing her credit card receipt with gin on it. She admits buying Barge booze to try to knock him out of the competition.

They find an hourlong call at 2 a.m. from Barnes to his restaurant.

Lisbon and Jane head there and find Abigail with Jeff’s sous chef with Eliza. She says he called wanting to talk about changing the competition menu.

Jane and Lisbon are in their car when they see Eliza leave the restaurant with the nightly deposits. Then a man with a mask knocks her down and grabs the bag and takes off running. He runs down the sidewalk next to their car and Lisbon takes him out with a well-opened car door.

It’s the victim’s brother, Kevin.

Back in interrogation, he denies killing his brother. He says he has information that would help save the murder, but he wants a deal. Lisbon reminds him they’re talking about his brother and that’s pretty low. She gets up to leave and he tells her Jeff owes Sean Horlick for money he borrowed for the restaurant - that’s why he stole the money, to pay Horlick back.

They look up Horlick, who has lots of old charges for fraud and racketeering.

Jane, Cho and Rigsby go to Jeff’s restaurant. Jane tries Eliza’s food and pronounces it amazing. She admits she tried to strike out on her own a few months back but couldn’t get a liquor license. But Jeff took her back.

Cho looks over the books and sees no loans, and that Jeff wasn’t taking a salary the last few months.

Van Pelt and Rigsby visit Horlick at his medical marijuana dispensary. He admits calling Kevin about the money, but says it was a misunderstanding. He says Jeff was loaded because he practically lived at the Ritz.

Back at the office, they find records that Jeff was staying at the Ritz a lot - and paying cash.

Back at the competition, Jane wanders around the kitchen bothering the chefs. He says the rhythms of the husband and wife cooking team, Arliss and Julie, are off and guesses that Julie was the one having the affair with Jeff - which is why she had the CBI called in.

Back at HQ, she says they started up after he separated from his wife and she ended it the night before he died after she found him drunk. She asks for water and starts to get woozy. Jane realizes something is wrong and calls 911 as she falls out of her chair, fading just like Jeff did.

Lisbon nervously straightens her desk while on the phone with someone. The team guesses she’s getting reamed by the AG over Julie’s death.

Cho and Rigsby go talk to Julie’s widow, Arliss. He’s calm under their questioning and thinking about recipes. He says Jeff had a big argument with his wife two weeks ago.

Lisbon and Jane talk to Abigail. He assesses her and comparing her to the pictures on the wall, he sees she’s gained a few pounds and is wearing baggy clothes. She’s pregnant. That’s what their fight was about two weeks ago.

She gives them permission to search her house. Cho finds a bag of castor beans in the garage.

Back at HQ, her lawyer fends off Cho and Lisbon’s questions.

Jane calls Lisbon, claiming it’s an emergency. She joins him at the Westing Resort to find she’s been summoned to the memorial dinner for Jeff and Julia.

Jane wanders back into the kitchen, where he starts a grease fire as a distraction to load up a dish with fiery hot pepper powder, the same kind Julia loved that they determined was laced with ricin.

Around the table, Jane and Lisbon join the chefs to remember Jeff and Julia. They start with the soup that Jane spiked. He confesses that he used some of Julia’s pepper on the soup. Eliza freaks out and says she needs to go to the hospital. When Jane and Lisbon instead offer to hold her for 48 hours (long enough for the poison to kick in), she confesses.

And Jane admits he switched the pepper.

Back at HQ, Jane says they know Eliza’s restaurant idea was squashed by Jeff and Julia, who got her dad the senator to kill Eliza’s chances for a liquor license. Jeff was a drunk who needed Eliza as a crutch.

Jane says Jeff called her the night before he died, not to talk about recipes, but to confess to squashing her dreams. So she mixed up some ricin and went to his room. Flash back to her spiking his gin and Julia’s pepper.

Through tears, she says Jeff said he was sorry, but “what good is that?”

Back at HQ, Abigail confronts Lisbon, trying to make her admit to putting the beans in her house and framing her. Lisbon says it was Jane, but she should have known.

She’s about to leave when Lisbon tells her about Jeff checking into rehab after he got the baby news. She thinks he was trying to change for the baby.

With everyone else gone, Lisbon takes out the usual case-closed celebratory tequila, but thinks better of it. She puts it away.

The guys are returning from a garage sale with a heavy box of stuff they got for $60. Of course, Leonard has to carry it upstairs, as he is the “muscle” of the group. (Ironic, given that Johnny Galecki works out quite a bit. Seriously. See an episode of “My Boys” in which he appears. I’m not joking.) They got some great stuff, like an original script from “Ghostbusters” with actual slime on it. (oops, sorry, it was Ghostbusters II). Not to mention, an actual “Alf” doll, which brought back such memories for Howard, since his mother got him one when he was eleven and he wished that Alf would bring his dad back from Melmac.

PENNY: That’s so sad.

SHELDON: No, sad is you not knowing that Adam West was “Batman.”

Other items include Mr. T’s head on a Mr. Spock doll (”I pity the fool who’s illogical!”), an Indiana Jones connect the dots, an Aqua-Man action figure (with a penis drawn on him, which Raj rubs right off), and a “Lord of the Rings” ring. Howard checks with “a guy” who says the ring is the real deal. Of the 9 rings that were made by the production company, 3 were given to cast members, 5 were destroyed, and the 9th was just claimed by Sheldon under the Maritime Salvage Laws. (”Other than the water, how is this not salvage?”) As Sheldon starts going Gollum on the ring, Howard tells that the ring is worth $15,000 on the black market, and Leonard insists on returning it to Peter Jackson.

RAJ: Look, we all want to do different things with the ring. But all of yours are stupid. I want a jet ski!

Finally, a compromise: Penny will hold on to the ring until something can be decided.

PENNY: OK just to be clear, the first piece of jewelry my boyfriend gives me is a prop from a movie and I don’t even get to keep it?

HOWARD: If you had gone out with me three years ago you’d have my great-aunt Ida’s brooch that she smuggled out of occupied Belgium in a cat.

LEONARD: How am I lookin’ now?

However, the ring’s powers have overtaken Sheldon. He tries to steal it off of the sleeping Penny’s neck. Of course, since this is a sitcom, she rolls over twice, in spite of Sheldon’s decent imitation of a hornet. He then uses a grasping arm like you see in the informercials to get it. She is startled and slugs him.

SHELDON: YOU HIT ME! I’M BLEEDING!

LEONARD: What was that?

PENNY: Sheldon tried to take the ring, and I punched him.

LEONARD: That’s my girl.

After a failed attempt by Raj’s lawyer/cousin to get him a jet ski, they fight over the ring and come up with a solution: everybody holds on to the ring and it stays that way until only one person is holding it. They want to start right in the cafeteria…if it only wasn’t for the bug movie marathon on the SyFy Channel (how nerdy am I to remember the new spelling of SyFy?). Then again, I didn’t drive home with my hand on the ring, nor walk up the flights of stairs with it.

SHELDON: I have you know I once spent 2 1/2 hour on the Hewlett-Packard Support Line just to complain about the Hewlett-Packard support line.

LEONARD: Talk about patience, Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City.

(and just when I said there were six seasons of Sex and the City…seriously, I did)

RAJ: There were six seasons of Sex and the City, dude.

LEONARD: Awww, CRAP!

Penny actually thinks what they’re doing is sweet. Of course, she’s also holding a bag from Victoria’s Secret. So, it’s $15,000 or Penny in lingerie.

LEONARD: I’m out! (can’t lie, that was a good choice)

Howard has to explain to his mother, and Raj is only too happy to ring-block him on the phone. (”I am so glad we came to this Gentile strip club! Howard, here’s more bacon to stuff into the shiksa’s g-string!!”) Howard is ready for payback, but Sheldon’s egging them turns both against him and his mother…actually, his grandmother. (”I call No Meemaws!”) But no good.

RAJ: The only way your mother was born is that your Meemaw had sex!

HOWARD: I bet she had sex because she LIKED it.

RAJ: Yeah, Meemaw did the nasty!!!

Sheldon counters by putting the idea of water in their heads to make them want to use the bathroom. It works great…for Sheldon. But all of them have to, so they all decide to go on three. (stand up and go, you sick bums!)

Many hours later, sleep takes them out…and Sheldon is holding the ring. But Howard and Raj are holding something as well…each other. His first order of business is to clean it, so he can make it his own, his precious. (AAAAGH!)

During the night, Leonard became the voice of reason and sent the ring back to Peter Jackson, rather than let the ring destroy their friendship. Or so we thought!

LEONARD: (pulling the ring out from a box underneath his bed) Hello, my precious!

However, Sheldon isn’t done. His grappling arm discovers the ring around Leonard’s neck, and they fight.

PENNY: I gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.

Time to hit the comic book store, and Raj makes his presence known with his new t-shirt, which plays music. But the music might be necessary, as Stan Lee will be at the comic book store signing autographs. Apparently, Stuart’s uncle is Stan’s dermatologist…which totally ruined the signing for Sheldon. He won’t be able to discuss the scientific implications of flying on a silver surfboard while checking the famous comic writer for contagious skin diseases. Raj can’t believe he’s going to meet Stan Lee. (Cue music: I’m so excited! And I just can’t hide it!)

As the guys try to figure out which comic book Stan should sign (accompanied by Final Jeopardy music, courtesy of Raj), Howard grabs some Neosporin and bandages from Sheldon’s desk for a paper cut…and apparently, Sheldon never heard of direct deposit, given the copious amount of checks in there. There was also a summons from the Pasadena Municipal Court. It wasn’t a snide letter about Sheldon’s complaints about how the flags flew at the courthouse; Sheldon ran a red light while driving Penny to get her separated shoulder looked at. And in true Murphy’s Law fashion, the court date is on the same day as Stan Lee’s appearance. Sheldon protested, as he was trying to help Penny and only had a learner’s permit. He doesn’t think he’s guilty, but Raj’s “Law & Order” sound effect says otherwise. (that was good)

Sheldon goes to meet Penny (and as an aside, you know you’re hot when you got guys totally drooling over you when you wear a business suit), and Sheldon wants her to practice his script. Apparently, he’ll represent himself and wants Penny to follow what he wrote down. (Gee, if only Penny did that for a living.) Of course, his “homespun corn-fed Nebraska turns of phrase”…combined with a few Valley Girl references…has her annoyed beyond belief within a few seconds. Still, what Sheldon did to Penny was nothing compared with what Sheldon said to Judge Kirby. (cute reference, huh?)

SHELDON: I am appearing “Pro se,” that means I ‘m representing myself.

JUDGE KIRBY: I know what it means. I went to law school.

SHELDON: And yet you wound up in traffic court.

Sheldon defends himself by saying he was improperly instructed by Penny, that he was doing what was necessary to help Penny, and his Sixth Amendment rights are being violated since he cannot face his accuser: the camera. The judge is impressed: Sheldon is still guilty.

SHELDON: I would like to point out that I am at the top of my profession while you preside over the kiddie table of yours!

The judge gives him a chance to apologize, Sheldon naturally refuses, and Sheldon is in jail for contempt of court. And he STILL wants his spot in the jail cell. Penny tries to call Leonard, but he, Raj, and Howard are about to meet Stan Lee, and Howard wants to get in before Raj demands why all of Stan Lee’s characters have the same double-initials (Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Matt Murdock, Bruce Banner, Steven Strange, Silver Surfer, and worst of all, Jay Jonah Jameson Jr.) Sheldon has until 5PM to apologize to the judge or he’ll spend the night in jail. Foruntately, a solution provides itself.

SHELDON: Excuse me, jailer? I need to use the restroom.

GUARD: Knock yourself out. (pointing to the toilet in the jail cell)

SHELDON: (shocked) That’s the toilet?!?!?

GUARD: Well, it ain’t a wishing well!

Leonard and Howard are drooling over their “To My Friend, Leonard/Howard, from Stan Lee—Excelsior” Poor Raj wasn’t a friend and didn’t get an Excelsior. Penny and Sheldon made it home, and Sheldon was $533 lighter in the wallet. And now has three points on a license he doesn’t have. And missed gelatto with Stan Lee. Sheldon goes ballistic and takes it all out on Penny.

Penny decides she wants to make amends and asks Stuart to get her in contact with Stan Lee. He’s a little busy sharing a can of tuna with a cat that may or may not show up, but Penny begs and pleads. Several awkward moments later, Stuart gives her Stan Lee’s address…if she would go to his cousin’s wedding. She’s not the happiest person, but then she may not get stood up by a stray cat tonight, so concessions must be made.

Penny takes Sheldon to Stan Lee’s house. He is, to say the least, not happy that a fanboy just walked up univited to his house (although Sheldon thought he and Penny were invited).

STAN LEE: You think you fanboys can just ring my doorbell anytime you want? I mean, why don’t you just come in and watch the Lakers game with me!

SHELDON: Well, I’m not much of a sports fan, but OK!

PENNY: (apologetic) He doesn’t really understand sarcasm.

On the good side, Sheldon got a wonderful gift: Stan Lee’s autograph and a guarantee to see him again…at the hearing regarding his restraining order. Sheldon is putting that one on the wall next to the one from Leonard Nimoy.

Clark teams up with Zod’s wife, Faora, to investigate the abduction of her friend Vala and several Kandorians whom have been experimenting with humans in order to find a way to reclaim their super powers, while Lois herself is abducted by Bernard Chisholm, a former doctor the Kandorians experimented on, claiming that there are aliens on Earth and he wants the skeptic Lois to write an article about it. But when Zod goes off on his own and tries to stop Chisholm, without his super powers, Clark is conflicted whether to save the life of his enemy. Meanwhile, Oliver investigates the disappearance of money from Tess’ company accounts and he discovers that Chloe is responsible and using the embezzled money to construction Kryotonite weapons for possible use against Zod and the Kandorians.

Previously on…: Ben stabbed Jacob to death and tossed him into a fire. Jack wanted to know what Jacob wanted from him and why his name was written on the dial in the lighthouse. Jacob told Hurley that he had to get him and Jack away from the temple because “someone’s coming there, someone bad.” The smoke monster took out everyone in its path through the temple. Ben told Sayid there was “still time,” but Sayid said, “Not for me.”

‘Dr. Linus’: Ben ran through the jungle in the dark and caught up to Ilana, Sun, Frank and Miles. He told them Sayid killed Dogen and “the interpreter” (Lennon). They decided to head back to familiar territory — the beach.

Back in L.A., Ben the high school teacher was giving a lesson about an island where everything changed — Elba, where Napoleon faced his greatest test. He explained that when Napoleon lost his power, “he might as well have been dead.” Ben was given an assignment to supervise detention for the week. Ben referred to himself as “Dr. Linus,” telling us that teaching at a high school and supervising detention was well below what he should be doing.

Another teacher (Leslie Arzt, the science teacher who was among the original survivors of Oceanic 815) was complaining about budget cuts and the principal’s refusal to help the science department. Ben was talking about how the focus of the school should be on the students and Locke, overhearing all of this, suggested Ben become the principal. Locke said he’d support him. Ben seemed to consider it.

Back in the jungle, Ilana demanded a clear explanation from Ben about whether the smoke monster killed Jacob. She asked Miles to check with what was left of Jacob’s body to determine how Jacob died. Miles took the ashes and picked up on something as Ben watched intently. Miles hesitated before speaking, then said, “Linus killed him.” Miles described an image of Ben standing over Jacob with a bloody dagger. Ilana was upset and told Ben, “Jacob was the closest thing I ever had to a father.” Then she kept walking, leaving Ben behind.

The next morning, Ben was still with the group as they reached the beach. She ignored Ben when he asked whether there was anything he could do. He tried to talk to her but she kept ignoring him.

Back in L.A., Ben made his father (an older Roger) a frozen dinner. Ben lamented that he was a loser and his father said he’d always wanted what was best for Ben and that was why he “signed up for that damned Dharma Initiative and took you to the island.” He said things would have been different if they’d stayed. Ben sarcastically said they’d have both lived happily ever after. But Roger said he was serious — “Who knows what you would’ve become,” he said.

The doorbell rang and it was Alex. She was asking why Ben wasn’t around for history club after school. He explained that he had to supervise detention all week. She said she was counting on his tutoring because the AP test was that week. He offered to get to school at 7 a.m. to help her.

Back on the island, Sun reminded Ilana that she wanted to find Jin. Ilana said she wanted to find him, too, because his last name is also Kwon, “and I don’t know if I’m supposed to protect you, him, or both of you.” Ilana explained that they were candidates to replace Jacob. She said there were “only six left.”

We cut to Hurley, who was asleep in the brush somewhere else on the island. Jack said they should get going toward the temple, but Hurley tried to stall. Jack said he was leaving, and walked away. Hurley pretended he knew a shortcut, but as he tried to convince Jack, Alpert appeared and said they were both wrong, and pointed out the direction of the temple. He said Jack wouldn’t believe him if he explained where he came from. They followed Richard.

At the beach, Ben found an Oceanic water bottle and admitted to Frank that he was maybe a little nostalgic for the time before the plane crashed on the island. Frank said he was supposed to have been flying Oceanic 815, but he didn’t because he overslept. “Imagine how different my life would be had that alarm gone off,” Frank said. Ben wondered whether it would be different at all, since “the island still got you in the end.” Ilana appeared, holding a shotgun to Ben’s neck. She made him walk away from the group, then lay on the ground, where she bound his leg and told him to start digging a grave — for himself.

Back in L.A., Ben tutored Alex, who was frustrated when she didn’t know an answer to one of the history questions. She was worried she wouldn’t get into Yale or be able to pay for it without a scholarship. Ben offered to do anything he could to help. She said she needed a recommendation letter from someone who attended Yale, but the only person she knew was “that pervert Principal Reynolds.” Ben asked if the principal had done something to her. She said no, but confided in Ben that she fell asleep in the nurse’s office and woke up later to find the principal and the nurse, “you know.” Ben had promised he wouldn’t say anything, and vowed to keep his promise.

Back at the beach, Ben was digging his own grave. He offered Miles the $3.2 million he’d once asked for, but Miles blew him off. Miles said he didn’t Ben’s money, knowing that Nikki and Paolo had been buried nearby with $8 million worth of jewels on top of them. Ben was upset that Miles was going to stand by and watch him get killed. Ben said Jacob “didn’t even care about being killed.” Miles told Ben that Jacob did care, “right up until the second the knife went in his heart, he was hoping he was wrong about you — I guess he wasn’t.” Miles walked away and Ilana shot toward Ben’s feet, reminding him to keep digging.

In the jungle, Hurley asked Alpert how he looked the same as he did 30 years ago even though he wasn’t time traveling. Alpert said Jacob gave him “a gift.” Alpert took them to the Black Rock and admitted he lied to them about going there because he’d already gone and found that everyone there was dead. Jack asked Hurley if he knew, and Hurley said Jacob mentioned it. Alpert was surprised Hurley had spoken to Jacob. “Whatever he said, don’t believe him,” Alpert said. He left, saying there was something he needed to do: “Die.”

Back in L.A., Ben went to Arzt and asked him if he could access someone’s e-mail account without their knowledge. He was curious about some of the nurse’s correspondence. He didn’t want to tell Arzt what it was about, but confessed he thought she was involved in inappropriate relations with the principal. Arzt started demanding a better parking spot and science equipment. Then he told Ben he was “a real killer.”

Cut to Ben continuing to dig his grave.

In the Black Rock, Alpert looked around and told Jack he’d been there before but it was the first time he’d ever come back. Alpert found dynamite and Hurley remembered it killed Dr. Arzt. Alpert said he couldn’t kill himself but asked Jack to do it for him. Alpert explained that Jacob touched him, which is considered a gift but he was finding it to be more of a curse. Alpert freaked Hurley out by breaking the sticks of dynamite. Alpert told Jack that he devoted his life in service of a man who told him everything happened for a reason. He waited his whole life to learn the reason and felt like his entire life now had no purpose. Jack agreed to light the dynamite because there was nothing they could do to stop Alpert if he wanted to die.

Jack lit the fuse on the dynamite, then leaned in to Alpert and said, “Let’s talk.”

The fuse burned and Hurley wanted to run. Jack told him to go, so he did. Alpert told Jack to leave because he was going to die, but Jack said he didn’t think either of them would die. He told Alpert about the lighthouse and his name being etched in the wheel, and seeing his house in the mirror. “For some reason, he wanted me to know that he had been watching me ever since I was a kid,” Jack told him. He said Jacob must have brought him to the island for a reason, and it wasn’t to blow while sitting in the Black Rock with Alpert. The tension grew as the fuse burned closer to the dynamite stick — then it went out.

Alpert asked Jack what they should do next Jack said, “We go back to where we started.”

Ben continued to dig when he heard the rustling of the smoke monster in the bushes. Claimed Locke then appeared and Ben told him he was digging his own grave “because you talked me into killing Jacob.” Claimed Locke wanted to get Locke as part of his group. But he said that once his group left the island, someone would have to be in charge of it. He said he couldn’t think of a better choice than Ben. Ben didn’t think he could escape his chains, but they suddenly unsnapped. Claimed Locke told Ben to go to the other island, to the Hydra station. Ben looked over at Ilana and took off running into the bushes.

Back in L.A., Ben went to the principal’s office and handed Reynolds something to read. It was 30 e-mails that described some pretty bad stuff. Ben said he wanted the principal’s job. Reynolds then read Ben an e-mail from Alex Rousseau, asking him for a letter of recommendation to Yale. Reynolds said that if Ben went through with his blackmail for the principal’s job, he would “torch” Alex.

Back in the jungle, Ben ran with Ilana hot on his tail. He found a shotgun of his own and pointed it at her. He didn’t shoot her, instead saying he wanted to explain that he knew what Ilana was feeling. He told Ilana that he watched his daughter die in front of him because he chose the island over her, “all in the name of Jacob — I sacrificed everything for him, and he didn’t even care.” He admitted he stabbed him because he was angry and confused and afraid of losing his power, “but the thing that really mattered was already gone.” He apologized for killing Jacob and said he didn’t expect Ilana to forgive him because he’d never forgive himself. He asked her to just let him leave. She asked where he’d go, and Ben said, “To Locke, because he’s the only one that’ll have me.” Ilana said she’d have him. Ben was touched and followed her.

Ben was in the principal’s office alone, but seemed to be settling in. Alex came in and said she intended to thank Principal Reynolds for a great recommendation letter. She asked Ben if he had anything to do with it and he said he didn’t. Reynolds then came in and Ben said he was dropping off a detention sign-up sheet like he asked. Ben asked Alex if she’d be at history club. He said it was back on because Principal Reynolds agreed to get someone else to cover detention. Ben told Arzt that he didn’t take out Reynolds and when Arzt was upset about not getting his parking space, Ben offered him his.

Back at the beach, Ben walked behind Ilana as they arrived and everyone saw them. Ben laid down his shotgun and asked Sun if she needed help building their shelter.

A slow music montage played, showing Frank sitting at a fire, Miles inspecting some newfound jewels, Ilana sitting alone and crying, and Jack, Hurley and Alpert walking up to meet them. Hurley and Sun hugged each other, then Sun hugged Jack. Alpert just stood behind and watched the reunion as Jack shook hands with Frank and Ilana. Ben stood alone on the other side of the group.

The camera moved along the surface of the ocean when a periscope emerged and we saw its view, taking in the scene of the big reunion on the beach. A crew member in the submarine reported that there were people on the beach. The man he was reporting to, Charles Whidmore, told him to “proceed as planned.”

Boom.

We open with a woman up late writing on her blog. Her boyfriend Taylor comes out of the bedroom. He is upset that once again she is sharing their argument with strangers on her site. A neighbor knocks on the door to complains about the noise and sees that Frankie (Laura Prepon) has a black eye. Taylor is genuinely surprised to see the bruise, as is Frankie when she looks in the mirror and notices blood coming from her gums.

Wilson comes home to find House putting away his porn movies. Wilson talks him into going for a night of ’speed dating.’

The initial discussion of Frankie (and her blogging) with House results in Thirteen and Taub going to Frankie’s apartment looking for toxins. While they’re there the neighbor stops by again and lets them know Frankie has handled rat poison.

Prior to the speed dating, House and Wilson tease Chase about his good looks. Chase doesn’t seem to believe them. House bets Chase $100 he will still get a handful of names even if he pretends to be an unemployed jerk. House wins the bet and Chase seems stunned.

Frankie has been writing about every aspect of her treatment in the hospital. She tells Foreman and Taub her urine is “mud-colored.” Foreman says “we were wrong about the rat poison.”

The team offers several suggestions that work with this new symptom. During this, House yells at Wilson for returning his porno movies to the store earlier that day.

Wilson comes into House’s office. He is watching the one porn which Wilson chose not to return and report as lost. It turns out Wilson was in the film, having acted in a few PG-rated scenes while in college. Wilson’s buddy began directing porn later and added x-rated footage with other actors (not Wilson) on top of stuff he already had.

As Chase looks at Frankie’s blog for clues, he asks Thirteen about his good looks and how shallow the women at the speed dating night were. He reads something about Frankie not being aroused sexually and suggests Sjogren’s syndrome. This leads to Chase giving Frankie some tests. During those tests Frankie says she’s not comfortable on her back.

The complaint of Frankie’s leads Chase to think she might have a heart valve issue. A cardiac test reveals he was right.

Chase and Taub tell Frankie she can get a pig’s valve or a synthetic one. The plastic valve would prevent her from having children, something which Taylor wants. Frankie wants to pose the options on her blog, which bothers Taylor.

Wilson comes into his office to see Wilson has created movie posters for the porn and framed them on his wall. Virtually everyone in the hospital seems to have seen the film and knows Wilson’s character’s few lines.

Wilson tells Chase he wants to dig up something on House. All Chase can come up with is that House has been reading a book inside another book’s dust jacket. Clearly he doesn’t want people to know what he is reading.

Based in part on reader feedback Frankie wants to go with the plastic valve. Taylor thinks she’s turned their lives into entertainment and he seems ready to give up on the relationship.

Wilson and Chase look through House’s office and find he was secretly reading a collection of sermons written by a Unitarian minister. As they ponder why House might be doing that, Wilson grabs the book and tells Chase not to mention it to anyone.

Just prior to surgery Frankie begins complaining of sharp pain in her side and vomits.

Foreman tells Frankie her appendix burst and they found numerous cancer-fighting cells throughout her body. All there is left to do is an experimental vaccine treatment. If not, she will die in a year.

Chase asks a nurse he barely knows if he can borrow her car and she says yes. He tells Thirteen he has been fooling himself, that he’s not ever really connected with anyone.

Wilson asks House why he is reading the book of sermons. Wilson has done extensive research but can’t figure it out. House acts strange and asks Wilson to leave it alone.

The next day every member of the team is reading copies of the sermon book. Chase called the author and got him to send extra copies. House asks where Chase mentioned him during the call.

During the third vaccine injection Frankie has a bad reaction. House isn’t sure why she was sleeping during the day and finds on her blog that her day/night clock has changed in the past few months. House asks for a liver biopsy.

The biopsy reveals that the cells in Frankie’s appendix weren’t actually the result of cancer. Unfortunately this means that unless they can figure out what’s wrong with her liver she’ll die in a few days.

House is convinced there has to be something Frankie isn’t telling them, which seems impossible given that her life is an open book. He orders broad-spectrum antibiotics and starts pouring over her blog.

Wilson comes into House’s office after seeing the actual dust jacket. He noticed that the author must be House’s biological father. Wilson isn’t sure why he’s studying the book instead of contacting the man. Wilson mentioning House usually finds anything related to religion to be “crap” switches on a light switch for House.

House asks Frankie about the one thing she hasn’t discussed openly with her reader: her stool. Based on the way it changed in the past few months he recognizes that she has a curable disease. She’ll need to be on meds for a few years but is essentially be okay. Frankie and Taylor’s relationship seems like it might be okay as well.

Thirteen tells Chase he’s trying to devalue the relationship with Cameron. She thinks he’s being paranoid.

Wilson is convinced House was studying the book to find if there was someone else out there like him. House’s response to whether he found anything was: “Under the God stuff… more God stuff.” They leave the hospital.

Cuddy walks through the lobby and orders for someone from maintenance to “take that down.” That, of course, is a large poster for Wilson’s movie House has erected over the lobby.